Hate at home

I haven't been feeling real positive lately, it's kinda up and down lately. I go to work with nothing but bills and everything on my mind, then I finally feel like I get my peace there. But when I get home it's like I feel so small. I look at my mom and I can tell she still see's him. I will always be the son of the guy who left her. And no matter what I do I won't be my brother. I can't be the golden child. I sound so bitter and sad, but it's true. Like I can't do anything to earn any respect here. I keep seeing things but.... I dunno. At the end of the day I just sit in my room quietly trying to achieve so I can finally take this family to the next level. But thats selfish right? Saying I so much in this blog? I mean Jesus didn't say I as much as he talked about the world did he? I feel kinda low, just wondering if I'm doing the right thing and if there is a future or will I always be hated at home? I am the son of the man who left but I'm trying to be the son who gave everything for others. Maybe I'm not doing enough. Just sucks right now to kinda be me.