Silence

Ok here's another blog day for ya. Lately I've been dealing with this whole talking thing. I've been trying to figure out what went wrong with my past so that I don't do it in the future. I'm trying to learn how to listen even more than before becaue sometimes I struggle with why I am like I am. I mean it's not that I am a bad guy, I'm a awesome guy! i'm just really avid about becoming better and finding the one. See I've been getting fitter and fitter physically and smarter mentally, but I'm trying to get a grasp on what I really want out of a partner. I've been patient recently and it's been great, but is this the real thing or another step to greatness? God has been showing me my past and I've been getting better for the future. I'm nervous about success but now I think I'm ready to become the great person I know I can be.

What do you want from Me

I'm named barricade because I contain everything behind high walls around treacherous battle fields. Lately I've been surrounded by struggles with work, and being broke, constant hunger, and the struggle with the fast from bread. My car doesn't work and I've been doubting my life while everything else flourishes. So God I ask what do you want from me? I keep trying and trying and failing and failing, what must I succeed from to finally achieve what you need from me. I can't talk to anyone cause they always look down on me as a project and some little child when I scream I'm not under you. Either I'm confident by not speaking who I am and whats wrong with me or I'm a pessimist. SO I ask you all what do you want from me? I keep trying to be better and achieve my goals but end up falling to the back burner and I can't even get the littlest bit of teaching or training so I ask you coaches, what do you want from me? Then I ask my family am I worthless? I can't save you all or even myself so i ask what do you want from me? And I ask myself how do you become happy? What do you want from me?

A new day

Welcome to the first of many hopeful blogs. It's been ALOT going on during my last couple of months here at the Clarke residence. Most of it was good then i had a huge let down and now I'm waiting. It's crazy like all the things in my life I have to wait for, my job with South East Tennis & Learning, a certain person, and just overall going forward with my life. It's like God has been teaching me patience for 24 almost 25 years. I wonder why I have to learn such a torturous and long lesson? Lately I've been so confused about where to go, and it's like God is purposly not saying anything to see how faithful I am. It's madness really. Anyways I look forward to the next time I have to write something. I think I'll start writing about my outings and adventures cause someone needs to know about this stuff.