Behind the Lens

  Everyone wonders what goes on in the mind of an artist, or genius or prodigy. I can't personally attest to anything other than being an artist, and it's a very complicated thing. It's like a burst of ideas going through my mind at once; manipulating basic tales, and characters into a personal interpretation. Weaving new styles overbearing with charisma and stylization. At the same time, feeling as a lone wolf; outcasted by my own thoughts and individuality.
  So how do I connect this with current times? Dreams in life are our own camera lenses. We behind them driven to capture what is to be the perfect image of our lives. Personally I wonder who am I to be qualified to offer these self help tips or encouraging blogs when I don't have an achievements or accolades that attest to my success. What do I have to give but the same old, annoying keep on going it'll be ok, do your best and no one can blame you for the rest, or the best out of them all if you fall down just get back up again.
  I'm sure you've heard at least one of these in your life and rolled your eyes the same as well. So I digress and really reveal myself to what is an already knowledgeable audience to who I am. I'm a walking contradiction. I am insecure, but confident, lost, but following a path I feel is the right one; lonely, but not a believer in relationships really, and to top it off failure, but successful.
  I mean lets make it brief and start at the top. I don't like how I look. Not facially or anything of the such, but I'm self conscious about my figure. Girly I know, but I don't have one of these tv bodies where I can walk around with my shirt off and feel like everyone is eye raping me. More like eye clothing me. The thing is, that I don't mind talking to women or talking to complete strangers and being myself. I don't mind being the guy who stands out at all, and I don't mind being in the lime light though I avoid it as much as possible.
  Now to my path. As much as I fail I can't help but try, and try again, and try again; like a kid addicted to mario bros with unlimited lives to spare. I keep running into reminders on quitting, and reminders on why everyday I have to do this. So am I some insane guy with a gluttony for punishment? Probably, but if I wasn't, then I would be an unhappy, fat, coach, with no aspirations to help the youth or people of tomorrow.

 I'm going to get this out now, and this is going to sound rude as Hell, but what would a blog be without realism. I don't like women as people right now. I've met some of the scummiest, childish, B&*%%iest, women in the most recent of months. It's like no matter how rare a woman seems them same personality seems to rear it's ugly head from inside their pretty little mouths. I tell you now, their is nothing more ugly than and woman with a scrunched up face, attitude, cursing mouth, and cigarette in her hand. I have to ask is it too much to find an understanding, funny, women who can understand my life? A woman who can understand what drives me and that money means absolutely nothing to me? A woman who can push me, challenge me, and love me all at the same Damn time? (sorry had to do it.) I mean long legs, Hispanic roots, and a history in tennis, track, or gymnastics would just top it off.
  But I digress again. I can't see myself being in a relationship. it's as if I can't find a woman who can keep up with me. I can't find a woman on my level, and if you're murmuring to yourself, this boy doesn't know anything, or who hasn't met me yet; ask yourself this. When is the last time you 2 miles, when was the last time you oped out of an argument in hopes of an easy resolution instead of tilting your head, flicking your wrist and mumbling about how this boy don't know nothing about nothing or some bull ish like that.

  I think what really lies behind my camera lens is a story that I'll only read. There aren't too many people really interested in deep thought anymore. everyone too concerned with glittery vampires, teen death matches, or reality tv to care what people really think. So I leave like this, I'll love the day when God proves my contradiction life wrong, and gives me a reason to boast. All I have right now is the testimony that I'm alive and kicking. I have a great job, a family, and that I have a goal in life. Until I start seeing people's lives change I haven't made it yet. Thanks for reading. I promise that the next one with be a lot more positive.