Day 7 Completion

I finally made the trip down. I'm here and now I'm ready to take the next step for the future. The future is the scariest thing to people because one it involves change, two because you have no control of the unknown, and three it is a 50/50 chance that you might fail. The fact of the matter is that God won't let you fail at his plan. So in saying that I want to thank you, the reader. You have inspired me to be innovative and go beyond my own comprehension to reach for the stars. I haven't had this much faith in a long time and this trip is just one more step to the future. So I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my blog and respond. I will miss all of you guys who are close friends, and I will be praying for your success on your future en devours and also your own leap of faiths. So for now this is Goodbye; but mostly this is thank you and see you later.

Day 6 Good times

I can't help but enjoy the good times. I've been traveling all over since this week began visiting people and or doing things that I haven't done since I was an undergraduate student. So now I'm listening to GreenDay - I hope you had the time of your life. This song bring back a lot of great memories and just having fun with folks. It's sad, and feels warm, and safe at the same time; but I know it has to end. Thanks to everyone's well wishes, I'm not scared of the future. The future can pretty much be whatever God designs it to be. It's exciting, though I can't help but feel like I have to tell someone something or confess a great love; but I've done that already. I really believe I'm ready to move on. I pray that I see you all someday in the future. I love you all and hope you keep reading. Thank you.

Day 5 It's so hard to say Goodbye

So I've been individually telling people goodbye. The funny thing is, is that things seem to be just falling into place. I haven't been chewed out by people or even family when I told them I was on my way out. I talked to even my boss today and she looked at me and was all smiles. I now stand before God, bare, and open to his word. God, it's so funny how you shape people's hearts to your will. Now that I follow you, you've convinced everyone that this is what is to be. I am happy, so though the song says it's so hard to say Goodbye to yesterday, I stand here smiling saying I'm more looking forward to saying hello to tomorrow.

Day 4 Face the Music

So after all the parties and hoopla, I'm left with just me. Everyone has said their goodbyes and I'm left to my own devices and to do with my time as I will. I often come to the conclusion of now what? I've done all the cliche movie type leaving sequences and yet I still feel like this is so unreal. I went to work and told my boss and with a grin on his face he said true, and kept it moving. I'm wondering for the first time was this so called "life" just waiting for me to leave it and begin something better? Now I sit in my room typing and the only thing I can think of is the music that played at the end of the scrubs series finale. The words say, "The book of Love, is long and boring; and no one can lift a damn thing. It's full of charts, and facts and figures; and instructions for dancing; but I------ I love it when you read to me, but you------- you can read me anything. The book of love has music in it, in fact that's where music comes from." Your probably like what is he talking about, but just watch it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytXEtbC4OqA&feature=related and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. One more step towards facing my music.

Day 3 Seires Finaly

Series Finales are somber, sad times. I consider myself in the midst of one right now. I'm on that episode just before the conclusion when everyone is gathering together and whatever issues need to be worked out are getting done. Today I had a day of good byes. I ate at a table full of great people and though I was talking, my heart was still. I wanted to absorb all their faces and all their expressions so when I needed to remember them I could. I even remember the waitress who's name was turquoise and I'm upset that she actually was attractive and not some person talking out the side of her face. I wish I had a better speech to say, but I couldn't contain myself if I did. I'm going to miss everyone passionately. I can still remember the off colored humor, the rude comments, and the strange names that make you say, no, that's not right. I can remember the tough times, and the great times. The one thing I will never forget though, is the love. So as I try to recreate the scrubs finale in real life. I can't help but want to tell each and everyone of you, that I love you and I will always be here for you. And thank you for being a friend.

Day 2 Long day to say goodbye

Today was rough. I trained for one of the last times a Howard university. It was a sober practice but at the same I'm glad to have seen all my kids grow and develop. I can't help but continually battle in my mind the things I've done and still could be doing here. But when I think of staying, I begin thinking of gray skies and still plans. I'm actually excited now to take this trip. So I told my mother, and with a worry in her eye she told me she was proud of me, hugged me, and began the good bye process. I've been told several times I can't leave without having a phone. So Unless some miraculous money shows in my account I don't foresee a phone being in my future. I've been getting questioned left and right about this and honestly I don't have all the answers. All I know is that this is the first step to following Christ, "Drop your nets and follow me". So I lay my nets down, and walked. I believe he has something amazing for me though I cannot see it. I just hope you guys reading this enjoy the ride as much as I do living it. Maybe I'll blog about you sometime.

Day 1 Leap of Faith

So this is the beginning of the blog about the leap of faith where I'm moving hopefully to my new home or my place where I can grow and develop. I decided today to tell my, well one of my best friends and brother that I'm leaving. I think I almost fell apart because, he was blow. I waited till the week before leaving to tell him. I'm really praying this isn't a Abraham thing and as I'm about to leave God says hey don't go. It's coming down to the wire. I've talked to AIM, and they are ready to receive me. Ugh! This is becoming real so quick but this is my leap of faith. I hope to take pics and paste them on this blog, but if not; you'll always have my stolen pictures from the internet. I appreciate you guys for joining me during this huge move, and I pray it's just as great a read as it is an experience, God bless.

Day 40 Photorapher

At last we have reached the end of this 40 session of self reflection and love. I can see as a photographer there is so much more I've left out of these blog topics such as aperture settings, ISO settings, studio shoots, ext. The fact of it all is that we are always constantly learning if this is the field you desire to work in. Photography is amazing all the way around, but it isn't photography that makes itself great, but the photographer with his great characteristics, learning curve, and creativity that makes photography what it is today.


SO this it. It's sad to see the end come to so quickly, but it had to come. I've walked a thin line between self reflection and vanity. Though I have much to learn I have found a new sense of who I am. This doesn't necessarily mean I know everything, but this is a start to a great journey. Today is the beginning of something awesome. I didn't receive a lot of responses to the traveling blog so I might just write in my tiny book and keep it to myself. I was thinking in my kitchen and just wondering what it really means to live life like it's golden. Most would believe it to mean that you live life like everyday is the best day, which could be correct. I really find it to mean that you live everyday blessing someone else. There is no better friend (love) than a man who lay his life down for another. So as though people think life (photography) is great, it isn't great without the greatness, awesomeness, and just all around joy of it's people ( me, photographer)to make it great. As I make this move, I will seek to bless others and make this life a golden one.

Day 39 Sync

Not every piece of equipment matches up. I've had to find out the hard way that nikon cameras don't sync with cannon flashes or Seagull chargers sync up with hasselblad batteries. We as photographers have to be focused when we head into these B&H photos and Ritz camera's to make sure we are educated enough to make right decisions when picking out equipment.


In life I know that not everyone is meant to be permanent in my life.I hate to see people come and go because I become attached to people very quickly. The reality is that though they are gone, there is always something great coming next. I know I don't sync up with everyone personality wise, physically, and or spiritually. Now that it's coming down to these last two blogs, I'm wondering whats next. Maybe I'll start blogging about getting ready to go. I don't know if anyone will sync with that one as much as this one but it's time. I no longer sync with my long time home and it's time to grow and find my new residence. I'll share what God spoke to me about, he said look at that tree, it is going to grow strong and perfect; Regardless of your house, the fence, or anything it will grow and flourish because it is in the perfect place to grow. Now look at you, are you growing? You will develop in the place you belong. Thank you for reading and get ready for the new blog if I get some responses I'll do it.

Day 38 Story behind the photo

Each photo has a story. I can sit back and look at one and remember all the great times or even the crazy inventive process I went through to actually do that shoot. Heh, I can remember each and every shoot vividly and in detail. I think if there is no story behind a photograph then you have a head shot. Every photographer I know can draw a special feeling, or story about how they did this or went here or were thinking this when they set the shoot up. Next time you go out to shoot, think about what story your going to tell through your shoot. And when you make it, make sure your not the only person who can make a story from your photograph.


I sit back in my home, as I think about every experience I've had with every little trinket and every gift I've received my heart drops to the floor. I can honestly think back to ever experience I've had and missed opportunity and say, man what would have happened if I had done this, or talked to this person, or even just took that leap. Then I think about it and I'm like whats life without a missed this or failed that, because if I don't fail will I really know how to succeed? God has made me the perfect me for right now. Any other me right now, and I will either break down, give up, fall short, or be outside his will. So I look at these many miles I've been, countries I've visited, people I've loved, and God I worship and say, thank you for each story behind my snap shot of a life. A wise quote says, you look in a photo album and you only see the good times, because it's the bad times that get you from snap shot to snap shot.

Day 37 Memory Card

Digital Photographers always have to make sure their cameras are charged, their memory cards are cleared off or have enough space to allow a shoot, and that they have a lens on it. You can't move on to the photoshoot without having all your P's and Q's met. A memory card is a storage device that stores all your images, and preps them in raw or jpeg format when you've done a shoot. So when you go out and do big things, make sure your memory card is clear!


In life we hold a lot in. This also can mean that you conscience has to be cleared or even just letting something go that is just a burden upon your life. For me, I had to finally sit down and forgive. I had a sit down with the co birther (New word) and really talked about everything. I think I'm finally OK. My heart is no longer burdened with this feeling that I have to always be angry with this person or think of him as this vindictive being, but someone with emotions and his own issues. This is a step in the right direction. So as I prepare to finally chase this dream, I've deleted all the old unwanted photos off my memory card and I'm off to my Photoshoot.

Day 36 Broken

It comes a day when your camera breaks. Either the flash isn't working or just stops operating properly. No matter how great a care you take of your equipment, either accidents, or mistreatment happens and your stuck with a broken camera. Though sometimes a broken camera disguises as a working one, but we have to make sure that we know exactly is going on with our cameras.

In this instance, the broken camera is me. I may perceive myself as an operational person, or someone is functioning properly; but I am broken. I see everyone being blessed and can't help but think, why not me? I have this way of not trying to ask for help. I feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness. I've worked hard on trying to be independent and give back. But I haven't really worked on being given too. So as I take myself to the repair shop, I have to wonder whats next in my life and where I will end up next in this refurb center that passes me from one mechanic to another. So hey at least this broken camera is doing his best to get fixed.

Day 35 Location Shoots

As a photographer, you have to get use to shooting on location. The location sometimes can be gorilla style where you end up just sitting in a park and having to find a subject to shoot about. Or your shoot can be controlled, such as a model on location. Either way, there are things and variables that will inevitably be out of your control such as sun, wind, people on location, and noise. As a artist you have to deal with things as they come, because when your on location you don't know where these things may come from, but trust me things sometimes go wrong and sometimes they go perfect.


In life we sometimes have to pick up and follow to where we need to be. Understandably some move into a place they have been planning to for years and some just go. For me, I've been called to just go. I don't know whats going to happen and I don't know what the future holds, but all I know is I have a constant God who's signature move is to resurrect people from their seemingly lowest point. So when I have been called to change locations, it's time to go. I sat back in my kitchen, then walked outside and looked around on this perfect Easter resurrection Sunday and couldn't help but think, it's time for God's signature move. Just to inform you, I'm terrified out my mind. For the 3 of you who actually read this, yes I am planning on moving. So hey this just means that one I'm preparing to do something great, and two I'm just getting ready for my location shoot

Day 34 Film Cameras

Film cameras are the Atari of the photography world. Film was the big advancement after the daguerreotype and the pin hole box. It takes a lot of knowledge and focus to shoot with film. When you have a photo shoot you have to be in control of all of your settings and understand the light control, and understand how your film will react. Some of this is skill, but most of what your working off of are things you cannot see or know.


This in my life is called walking by faith and not by sight. Most of what I know is written in the word of God and also taught. The thing about it is, is that even though you may know all the tricks and may have control of most of your situations, slipping up and making a mistake is bound to happen. Though in photography doing a manual photo shoot is a leap of faith seeing that you only have a limited amount of shots, you can't see the photo after you take it, and you have to believe in yourself or else you'll never succeed. So in life even though you read your Word, you lift your hands high in praise, or you think you know everything about God; trust me, eventually God will force a faith moment. When that moment comes be prepared to leap.

Day 33 Clean up

After all the work is done and you've printed your work, it's time to clean house. You can't leave a mess behind so the next person gets it. As an artist taking the time to clean up gives you a great time to look at your work and have a feeling of accomplishment, but also gives you time to revise anything you might have overlooked. Though it's a tedious process, it's peaceful and fulfilling. Many times I've sat back and wiped off tables and just reflected on the shoot and the process and just let every stress from working go.


It's time to clean house. Spring cleaning is hear and the time to move things around so it brings a new energy into the room. I've moved my desk around and will be moving my bed as well. When I clean up, it's like allowing a new light into the room. I can finally breath because things that are stagnant and still can cause a person to feel like there is no progress in their life. So maybe on a rainy day or even a perfect one; open a window and put on some tunes and clean. You'd be surprised how great it feels to have everything feel brand new.

Day 32 Direction

In photography we all need direction. Direction is an easy way of saying inspiration. I am inspired to create dramatic photographs. I've been inspired to create political shots, I've been inspired to do racy photographs, and I've been inspired to just do peaceful photographs. At the end of the day though, you have to have some sort of direction in work in the art world or you just fall in the fray.


In my life I'm have direction. I am inspired to achieve greatness and God is revealing it in my spirit. I've been fasting lately from 6am till 3pm everyday and praying for a hour at sunrise to receive the true word of what I'm suppose to do. My heart is lead to be someone to be admired, and no not in a selfish or vane way. I am to be admired because I will fight to open the door to those who have a dream and don't think they can. I will fight claw and teeth my way to the calling that God has for me. Right now I'm making sure my ears are open and listening for God to speak to me. So right now I'm being Directed by Christ, speak lord for your servant is listening.

Day 31 Image

A image is temporary. Even in the photography world; image is temporary. Photos are a frozen moment in time, created or captured, they are temporary. Though temporary, photo's hold a sort of impacting meaning to them. Photography doesn't get the best credit in the world, but I guarantee that if you take a look through an album, each moment is going to strike a cord that paintings, illustrations, graphic design, and some movies can't touch.


In life image is temporary. I've been concerned a lot with how people see me. I wondered do they like me, what are they saying about me, what should I do for these people to like me, but who cares. I think I said this in the first day and I have to bring it up again that if everyone likes you then your doing something wrong. i think I've landed firmly on the Bump you because I am as I am, God loves me so you should to. Though if you don't see me as someone you can hang out with or talk to then it's your loss. I'm tired of placing eggshells in my life to walk on. I am not the average PG cat, I'm not the the average DC dude, I am unique. I seek knowledge and love. I've tried to make this image that everyone would love, but as soon as you break my barricade, down comes that image. It's temporary, so guess what, bump you if you don't know my image of myself is perfectly made by God.

Day 30 Focus

The focus of a lens is crucial to a great photograph. The focus can do many things, it can add depth to a photo or it can make it a general image. A focus can add character or drama to a shot, or it can just keep things in perspective. At the end of the day though, in photography, you can only focus in on one thing.

This subject plagues me till this day. My focus is spread thin. Though even in the word it says you can only have one master, meaning one focus I still disobey. The saying goes Jack of all trades, master of none. So I have come to terms that no matter how afraid of the future I am, I cannot allow my gripping terror of failure dictate my focus. I've been looking several ways in case this one way doesn't give way to success. But what kind of faith is that? What kind of faith do I have when I can't even believe in the amazing destiny I have before me. And Drake says it best when he says everybody dies, but not everybody lives. So if I am to live truthfully aiming to achieve greatness, I must charge through my troubles, my trials, and my tribulations. I must have tunnel vision. I must focus hard on the target and not allow distractions and simple pleasures to detour me from the greatness God has for me. So I say It's time for me to focus in.

Day 29 Age

The more you do photo, the more you become acquainted with certain little niches that rookies wouldn't notice. You know every groove on the camera, how heavy the chemicals are when your setting up your developing system. You know how the dark room works without having to stop. This can be considered wisdom or just considered understanding of your environment.


In life I tend to fight age. I want to be younger so I can experience things and experience the consequence and blame it on age. I mean with youth comes ignorance right? The thing is we are all youthful in a way. None of us have the ability to be as wise as Christ. So I am seeking the maturity of Christ. I don't want youth to be my reason for being ignorant or for doing something dumb. If I search and chase after the almighty i am sure to find enlightenment and everything I ever wanted from the king. The thing now is that I don't want to chase after him for what i want, but to want him. So with age, comes maturity and in my occasions, Christ.

Day 28 Critique pt. 2

I've gone over critiques for photographers before, but this time around I want to go over some important details when it's compared and contrasted to another photographer. You can never determine whether folk will love your work or hate it. The thing is that your going to have to do the best you can with what you have. So in the critique stage, just because someone is glorified, you can't design your skill level to be exactly like theirs or else what will make you unique?


When thinking of this in my normal life I've come to find out that you cannot compare one life to another. I've been hearing about other people, hearing their occupations, seeing their lifestyles, and just wondering what went wrong with me. I'm living at home, working multiple jobs, Loving Christ, chasing a dream, and I'm still struggling. I don't understand, what am I doing wrong? Better yet, what are they doing right? The truth about it all is that you can't compare your life to another. The table is being set for me, and I have to struggle to appreciate it. I've also been contemplating moving to Florida or visiting for an extended period because I feel like I'm being called their to start the real pursuit of my dream. I just pray that during my food fast next week, that if this is real. So I'm going to go hard for this dream and pray that it's what he wants so that I can focus on my life and not the critique comparrison of mine to others.

Day 27 Rainy Days

Everyone has them, some love them, some hate them, but you can't avoid the rainy day. In photography, rainy days are your inside days. These times are when you either are working in the dark room, doing some cool somber images, or just taking the day off. At the end of the day though, rainy days are a good thing. We all need the day to just sit and be at peace or reflect, sometimes it's the latter.


Today was a rainy day, I thought it was going to be a day where I sit in my house and sulk in the fact I can't go out or seize the day. I was wrong. I really enjoyed this day. I took time to slow down and just enjoy the simple things are really reflect on things that make me smile and laugh. Not to mention that rainy days are a great day to find that one person who you can stand for 10mins at a time, and just spend the day with them. So from me to you, enjoy the day God gives you to just reflect, and don't worry about your current situation. No matter how painful life gets, be blessed your still breathing.

Day 26 Timing

Photography is all about timing, being in the right place at the right time or even just patience. It's always a luck thing when your out in the field trying to do a specific shoot. You also have to consider time with the chemicals and taking your time and making sure things are done correctly. Just being a photographer, patience is a major factor in growing as an artist.

I've never been good at timing. I mean I'm successful as a photographer and patient, steady handed, and just accepting of my environment. I just am not great at timing or being patient for years now. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I can't support others or I can't support myself fully. My life is a trial by fire basis. I know that God has desired for me to do great things because he will not allow me to do a basic desk job, or do trivial things without a means to an end. But at the end of the day I must be patient. The timing isn't right. I have to figure out when the right time is for my advancement and then be ready to praise him and hold my hand out for the many after me to achieve what I have or more. I must remember, the timing isn't right yet.

Day 25 Chemistry

As a Photographer, I had to learn the chemistry to do silver print developing. I had to learn developer was 50/50 water to dectol, I had to learn that hypowash is 100%, I had to learn that Stop bath is 8 caps to one gallon water. The reason for this is because mess up the chemistry by a little and your overall picture won't come out the way you desire. Sometimes it won't come out at all.

So applying that to my life, I realize no matter how much I want to like people or I want things to work for every situation it can't. I have to find out the right chemistry for my life. I can use chemicals (people) for certain situations, but being with them all the time won't work. Meaning 1 person can only be around for maybe 3 days of the week or maybe less. God is amazing because I know for some folk he is working out that 50/50, meaning they are one half of a whole being, not saying that they aren't complete the way they are, I'm saying that being one chemical mixed with another makes a completely new chemical. Giving themselves freely and totally, The great chemistry.

Day 24 Inspiration

This generation is really low on inspiration. When I say inspiration I don't necessarily mean motivation to get money or to be "Successful", what I mean is as an artist I am inspired to create, to take images no one has done before, to see something from a perspective no one has ever thought of. Photographers aren't driven by cash or the almighty dollar. As an artist I'm driven by the inspiration to create something beautiful.


In my natural life I'm inspired to lead. I don't mean to be a leader in terms of direct this or own that. I mean I'm inspired to do something great in tennis, the art world, and just life in general, because I want to lead the next generation into finding a destiny that they will love. I mean by love as in something that they will do their career without the added pressure of how much you get paid for it. I think of it as this, if you wake up in the morning and are excited and find peace in what you do then your ahead of the game, and are inspired to do what you do to live. People say I work to live, not live to work. I think of it like this I Love my work, and hate to work to live. Find your passion and be inspired to love what you do.

Day 23 Filters

I haven't done a camera reference in a while so here's a good day for one. Filters in photography do a wide range of things. They can change the depth of a picture, change the color scheme, add or enhance lighting effects, or just make it more dramatic. Filters aren't always the best in every shot, but in a way they were considered the first Photoshop. Like today the afternoon falls with a cool breeze and without a camera, but by God's design lays an orange tint, with a gentle rouge hue flowing over the sky. The Perfect filter to the day.


In application to my life, I realize that every day I use a different filter. When I'm off to work I use a filter to see past all the negative stereo types of people and just try to relate to them, or when I'm on the tennis court I put a filter to block out outside disruptions so I can focus on training. We all have filters in life, and whether or not we see them or notice them, they help us. When I look outside and see this beautiful sunset sky, it's really God who was the originator of the filter; because he filters out all the bad we do, and accepts us as his children pure and white as snow. So recognize your filters and have a perfectly made day.

Day 22 Good Day

Now everyone knows trouble comes in 3's. The thing about it is, that if you look past your troubles that show up randomly, you might actually be having a really good day. As an photographer you have to enjoy the good days. Regardless of what comes at you, if you have a great day then you are ahead of the game. The thing is that you can't expect it to happen everyday. On the other hand, It's always nice to have a day go your way.
Today was a tough day. Fighting through negative comments, through bills, and just struggles in general. God has made this day great though. I got everything done and in an orderly fashion. He's made it exceptionally warm, he's opened doors and he's allowed me to just be happy today. I praise him because these days don't come everyday. When God gives you a good day, please oh please take it. So now I'm ready to continue to work for the King.

Day 21 Disappointment

As an artist you constantly run into disappointment. Around every corner is a no, but it's those lucky times when you might actually run into a yes. So in my extensive knowledge of rejection, I find it very easy to brush it off and pretend it never happen. You have to build a sort of thick skin as an artist because this world is cut throat and very competitive.

Applying this thick skin to my actual life isn't very difficult at all. It's not the greatest idea to so much cut people completely out of your life, but it is a good idea to just walk away from the situation. You can't allow things to affect you when your life is going in a positive direction. If that person or that thing isn't going with you in a positive direction then walk away. Develop a thick skin, don't take it personal and just pretend it never happened. That's always best to do it when you take a day just to yourself, or sleep on it.

Day 20 Celebrating

As an artist, the first sale or success is the greatest. You have that amazing rush of blood to the head and everyone honors you like your the greatest thing since sliced bread. As I've grown wiser and older, it's not so much being fresh but sitting back and teaching someone else the ways, bringing in your own newbies and letting them get that rush of blood to the head. I've come to realize that teaching someone how or putting someone through their paces is really the greatest feeling in the world.

So I've applied this to my life. I don't necessarily want to be a teacher, but I lead by example because the person behind me I really feel like I'm going to do something great for them. I love just sitting back and being a mentor. I've poured into countless youth be it in tennis, in my organization (Alpha Nu Omega Fraternity Inc. shameless plug) or just as a older man. I really love to see them succeed. I want to impact lives, be successful and show that yes it can be done through Christ, yes it can be done will insurmountable odds, and yes with heart and dedication all things are possible. So Here's to you, Neo's of the world. I celebrate and raise my glass to you.

Day 19 Tough it Out

So I actually did this on day 20 but what the heck, I needed the whole day to come up with this anyways. So As a photographer, we all have those days when we snow ball. Snow ball meaning, when everything goes wrong, one after another, after another, after another. This is called the snow ball affect. In these situations it's always good to just tough it out. This is a simple enough concept but trust me it's very difficult to do when everything is going wrong, like the developer is empty, you don't have film, your camera is light leaked, or it's just raining outside and you can't shoot.


In my spiritual life or my real life, this happens every friggin day. I swear I receive bills in 3's or just bad news in stacks. So this is a great time to just tough it out. I have to really settle myself, quiet my world and just listen for God to tell me it's going to be alright. Hey, it's better than hearing "DAM you out of luck man, I know if I was you I would be blown or jump off a bridge". So my statement of the day is tough it out, quiet everything else and let the big guy talk to you.

Day 18 Support

I'm sure I've gone over this subject before and even as a artist you need someone to believe in you. Someone to say YEAH I believe you should chase that dream or hey, it always gets darkest before the dawn. This makes the burden of chasing a dream so much easier, like when doing a project it's so much easier knowing someone is there to have your back.

So usually this is the part where I'm like God is that support, and your right he is. I think I don't have this portion figured out yet, because I don't really have a support system. I don't have someone telling me to follow this dream or to pursue this because your good at it. Instead I have a world of people saying you should do this, or even I didn't even know you did that. I think this area is my sorest part. My heart is so attached to this dream, and these goals and I do believe God is behind me, well until recently. So now I feel most alone because I don't know where or what I'm suppose to do now. I'm stranded, where is my support system? Help.

Day 17 Selling Yourself Short

In the art world it's hard to sell your work. Especially being your first time selling or just trying to figure out your worth in general. You never know how much your worth or even how much people will value your work, until you've hit some sort of experience. So I know when I sold my first work for 150$ I almost lost my mind. I started jumping around when no one else was around and then my self worth went up by 500%.

So when i think about it and apply it to my life in general, it's hard to find out my self worth. It's even worst when I've been rejected by many women and people in general for job positions ext. Then, I begin to think about how God sacrificed himself for me. Jesus died on the cross for me and didn't even know me yet. I wasn't even a twinkle in my great grand parents eyes. So my worth is more than money, more than women, my worth is of someone's life. God paid the ultimate price for me, no way will I sell myself short.

Day 16 Development

In photography, when dealing with authentic black and white images; all of them must go through a development process. The process is kind of lengthy and tedious but worth it when you see the quality of the image when it comes out. There are all types of ways of developing an image. But when it comes to specific shots, there is only one way to get the best result.


When you apply that to my life I believe that God has me in development. God has me in the developing tray, swishing back and forward. Now great things slowly start showing as time goes on, and the quality of my image begins to shine most. All the hard work God has placed in me begins to show and shine out the better. I really have to understand that it takes time, and God is doing something in my life; so to think that I'm doing it all alone and that he is ignoring me is selfish on my part. God is just placing more chemicals on me or adding things to me to make me great. Thank you God for developing a great child in you.

Day 15 Creativity

Today I'm working on a project that involves doing a picture of Power Puff girls, grown up in full roman armor in the Colosseum. I was having trouble with poses and it took me back to my first photo shoot, where with my normal creativity I couldn't do it, but after I allowed help all of the poses and lighting schemes came to my mind.


So thinking about it God is the most creative being in the universe. If you allow God into your life he will explode with creativity, love, and stunning beautify. There is nothing in this world you can do without the help of Christ. So when I've opened my mind up to Christ I've realized my world has become so much more amazing. Things that seemed so simple now seem amazing, child birth, families, paths of life, and just the sun shinning through my window on this 80 degree day. God is the creator so what makes you think God won't give you a piece of that? Thank you for allowing me to be creative God.

Day 14 Light table

Every photographer or artist of some sort should know about the light table. The table's purpose is to allow people to illuminate their work and makes it easier for them to see the flaws of their works. In a photographers stand point, it pretty much is for you to examine your photos and to pick out which ones are going to go to the final enlarger or pick out the flaws of the photograph.


When I think about it and apply it to my life, it feels like the world has me on a light table. Picking out every flaw and trying to throw you away. But the real fact is that I am the entire shoot. And when I am on this light table, I have to know that God isn't going to pick out my worst fears or flaws. Instead God is taking me and placing my best features, my greatest talents, and my dreams on this light table and then he will place them in the enlarger to display to the world. My flaws God is taking and putting them away. So being on this light table being examined is just your worst imagination, but trust me it's God getting ready to show you off.

Day 13 All nighter

Every college student knows about the dreaded, All Nighter. It's that time when you have to spend all of your time either awake doing work, studying, or preparing for something big. Well, I've been awake for 24 hours and I feel like punching myself through the face into someone else's face. It's not all bad though. I spent some time really learning about this organization I am in and just how passionate my brothers are. The thing is, is do people notice how much you hurt to make something successful?

When you spend all night developing ways to improve, and to make things easier; all you want is a thank you. But then again, Jesus never looked over at brandon(random guy on the street) when he was carrying the cross and say hey....... WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHERE'S MY THANK YOU, THIS HURTS! No, he wants it, but he accepted the pain and anguish without flinching. So I right now have fasted from sleep, and worked on bonding with brothers and how this organization is going to work in the future. And I have no complaints. Thank You brothers.

Day 12 Dealing with rejection

One thing all the classes and all the work you do doesn't teach you, is how to deal with rejection. When your a student, especially in the arts you work and then you get graded. You put up a show and then you might get someone to buy some stuff, but rarely are you going to get a rejection for your work. So now that I'm in the real world, it's like running in a maze and hitting a lot of walls looking for your way through.

Now when I place this in my life in general, I've had to work so hard to heal my heart and protect it from all the hurt I would receive by just one word; no. So now that I'm getting to that ripe age of 26, what have I learned? I've learned that just because it's a no now doesn't mean it won't be a WOW later. In this life, if you aren't ready to fight and fight some more, you will fall into darkness. God gave me a heart of a fighter. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and though as I run towards it, I trip and fall on a no or maybe. Those maybes turn into of course, those no's turn into yes'. I will fight for Christ and my future. No matter how long it will take or how much it will hurt, no matter how many injuries, I will find love and chase God and my Destiny till I can no longer breath this air. And I praise him for the heart of a rejected man because it's the strongest heart in the world.

Day 11 In the field

So as a photographer, it's awesome to be in the field. When your out there, it's like the world is your oyster. Colors are bolder, shapes are more apparent, and everything means something when your out in the field. Especially when you take your Ipod or Mp3 player out, it's like the soundtrack to your life. I applied going out in the field to the fast and looked around and was like everything is so beautiful. I love being in the field and sitting back and seeing the magic of this world.

God has blessed me with the sight to see the great things in life. I can see a tree and the way light reflects off it like a warm calm day. I can't help but be bless by God giving me this eye. I love to sit in the back seat of a car and blur my eyes and see all the colors flow by to the soundtrack my Ipod plays for me. Prais him who gave me he ability to see. This Blog is just the understanding of how Beautiful life is. Breezes, warm sun on my cheek, laughter by children on the play ground, Ocean tide going in and out, and the look in her eye. Beautiful Love God for this.

Day 10 Picky

As a photographer you come to the realization that not all of your works will make it to the gallery. Or become a finished product. So you literally have to sit and pick which is good, and which just doesn't make the cut. Applying this theory to my life; I use to be characterized as a picky person. You ask my high school friends or college roommates, they know I rarely dated someone out of the top 5 hottest women. And when I would get them I would treat them like they were the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But now I really see that I was glorifying the exterior of everything, even myself. But If I was to really see it all, I was picking the bottom fruit. The ones with bruises and rotten. Not to say I haven't dated some great women or even done some great things. But If I am to really be happy, I must become picky with the inside. I must see the soul. and pick out all the bad traits, so when it hits the gallery, people will see a vision and not just something pretty.

I want to see the whole person, their values, their spirit, their dreams, Hopes, failures, and God. I believe I need to be picky about these things inside myself as well. I don't accept me because I've accepted too many things that go against my morals. So before I put my show up for everyone to see, I need to get correct with myself and the values God has placed in me.

Day 9 Lead Photographer

CONFIDENCE

1. a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances

There comes a time when we must take the lead of life and begin to branch out. In photography, that is when you direct your own shoot and become lead photographer. You have assistants who trust your word and will follow you as you say. But with this great power you must exude confidence. Without confidence in what you are doing there will be no one around to believe you and your attempts at greatness. In my life, I have trouble demonstrating confidence. I believe heavily on my dream and calling, but even in my own mind I cannot see persevering through tough battles, though I am completely capable.

So to believe in one's self begins with prayer, and understanding what God sees in you. My abilities should far surpass my doubts of myself. Second I really need to start meditating on how God has blessed me and how I will fight for the future he has given me. And three, to accept the fact that I've chosen an torturous career and turning back would be to admit failure. Those who believe in Christ do not know failure, but those who have no faith, know surrender. As the wise Buzz Lightyear said "Never Give up, Never Surrender".

So I'm going to begin with taking a bunch of sticky post notes and place them on the mirror of my bathroom and each morning I will recite those positive sayings and believe it. I'll believe in it as God believes in me. (Hope you keep reading, it's just getting good).

Day 8 Many lenses

I've come to find that I'm actually 4 different people. Like lenses on a camera. Each has it's own purpose. They are all reliable and do great things. Some of my friends and family will attest to me being a different person in different aspects of my life. I've been told to bring them all together into one world but I'm still not sure if my worlds would fit together. Lets go down the list and attributes.

1. Tennis: Confident, super competitive, never gives up, and always looking to improve

2. Art: quiet, spiritual, deep, emo, introverted

3. ANQ: jokey, extremely extroverted, active, caring, loving

4. Home: quiet, depressed, eager to travel, introverted.

5. Gamestop: extroverted, hard working, salesman, PG accent, nerdy, gamer

There are some common grounds in between those different mes, but would they get along. I wondering if those folk were to actually walk in a room together, would they talk? Would they enjoy each others company? I don't know. Maybe God is still working on my true face.

Day 7 Second opinion

In Photography, sometimes when choosing an image, you need an second opinion. A voice of reason when you believe you have it all under control, when in reality your work is pretty jacked. That's God in my life. God constantly is over my shoulder saying, No, that don't look right, and COME ON SON! I believe every person needs God as their voice of reason. I love when learning how to hear the voice of God he speaks right to you. Today I told a troubled couple they were going to have kids. I could see the man's eyes grow red, and his wife smiled so big and tears flowed. It wasn't me who spoke, but God giving me a message to deliver to them.

God speaks through those who ask to hear his voice. So right now I begged and pleaded for God's second opinion on my life. He's very quiet about my own life, but becomes very verbal referring to others lives. I love the fact he desires sacrifice for his building of his kingdom. I thank God for my second opinion.

Day 6 Dark Room

If you guys haven't noticed a theme to my blogs are all photographer terms. I keep thinking maybe I should have gone with tennis or something a little less technical, but I like it.

A dark room is a room of solitude. Superman has his fortress, batman his cave, spider-man has his cathedral towers, I have my dark room. It's the room I can go to where I can focus on making quality work. I produce some amazing works in there. It's where I can develop my works, thoughts, and self. It's peaceful, quiet, and at times beautiful. I've spent countless hours staring at pieces of myself left on negatives, to enlarge to spread around.

Now if I was a photograph, I really believe I haven't gotten enough exposure to produce. I don't have enough light shining through for people to notice me. I'm too dark and hard to see. A lot of folk claim they know me, but do you? Or do you claim to know one of my many faces. (Hint: next blog called lens change.) There are parts of me that are predictable, but it's only because I can't be myself around you. I am a dark photograph. So I think I need more exposure. It's time to let someone into my dark room and be completely real with them. I'm not going to force this process, it's open to those who want to see it, but it is time. So now my fortress of solitude is open to the public. Hope and pray this is the right thing to do.

I've prayed about it and it's open to those who I trust. Those I trust are so far and few between. But the world inside this sacred tavern are overwhelming. Prepare yourself, time to let the light in.

Day 5 Bad photo

There are some days when your really examining yourself and you find that there are people in your life you actually don't need. There are people who are just not matches for you. I've encountered great people and not so great. But you have to make a decision whether or not these people are actually beneficial in your life. So when I reached the boiling point with some people, I choose to walk away. It's not bad to just walk away from some people.

Some folks will lead you to sin, some will lead you to ignorance, some will lead you to Christ, and some will lead you to their perception of God. But in the end if you trust in God, then you'll come to find that you are to love all of man kind, but you won't be friends with all of man kind. So today I really can work with a lot of people, but I will never in a day hang out with them. So do away with the bad, don't be a pack rat, and allow God to guide you. Those with Christ in their heart are usually the people who are going to be closer to you if Christ is in yours.

Have you ever heard a bird of a feather flock together? Most people who have ambition will be with people who strive to succeed; regardless of financial situation. Friends can sense your spirit, and will want to be around it. So for me I've discarded those spirits who are not heading in the same direction and press forward to the Goal.

Day 4 Multiple subjects

I've had my run ins with women. I'm no player or some amazing guy who gets women all the time. But I've done pretty well for myself and honestly I don't want to do well anymore. I've come to the strong conclusion that I want to have the real deal. I can't hang out with multiple women, or chat up a bunch and be a major flirt. I miss missing someone; the "One". I've had these thoughts, dreams at times of just laughing uncontrollably with the great friend love. I have this love that is dying to burst out and be shared with the world, but it seems the world isn't ready for great love. The world is stuck on temporary satisfaction.

Sometimes I wake up believing there will be this amazing women who is my support, and a gift from God. But for now and forever the only gift I need is God. I don't really desire sex, or the physical things of this world. I do lust, don't get my wrong; but I don't want that. I just want someone to come home to and share my thoughts and this colorful world I've created around me. believe me this world I live in, is much more than the bitter grey it's portrayed to be. It's vibrant and full of life, laughter, and beauty. I've painted myself into so many of my images or art works. Though it is complete with me and God being the muse, Is it wrong for me to want to build upon it? So I don't desire to photograph multiple subjects. I just want one great piece of art. Hope this makes sense.