Day 2, Not in Focus

Day 2

Not in Focus

Alright today was a long day, the great thing about long drives was it gives me time to really sit and focus on what it means to be a friend. I've realized in my life that it's no fairy tale. You won't meet the women of your dreams by bumping into them in college or at the locker, or be chasing the hot girl and the girl of your dreams be your best friend; that stuff just doesn't happen. I've set those situations up so many times and failed horribly. I've been rejected by best friends, sorta friends, and acquaintances. The lucky few who find their soul mates in highschool are the lucky ones. All I know is that your a lucky few to find that great love. I do miss being with someone though. I miss cuddling, kissing the base of their neck where there back meets their shoulders. Feeling the woman play with your hands as you hold her tight and secure. I've had a friend for a while now, who's been there for me and at the same not been there. It's a torture rack trying to figure out whats going on with her. But that's the thing, why do I have to figure out whats going on with her when the only thing that matters is me. Seems selfish I know but to be real, I can try to figure out the needs of the world or what that person is laughing about or talking about or if anyone out there really notices me, but what does it really matter if there is not absolute reason for me to care. I lived by loving till it hurts, but I have to love me before I can love everyone around me. Or this love I give will destroy me from the inside out.

You can't give love if love doesn't preside within. So this might be something God want's me to do right now. He wants me to not be long focused but to focus on the foreground which is me. I have to understand myself and love myself and him before I love others. So Listening to a great friend I believe it's time to increase my 40 day journey into not talking to women. Well let's say to confide in my brothers and male friends before a women. So I need an accountability partner. This seems kind of difficult but one day at a time. Will it be hard with this self reflection? VERY!